the state so lame it gets its own fark tag...
helen and i went to orlando. some friends from london and their kids were staying at their timeshare there, so we went for a visit and spent a couple days at disney world.
the good:
• we saw an armadillo while smoking and drinking on the patio friday night. awesome!
• helen went on her first roller coaster! when the woman running the line heard this, she gave helen a tiny certificate for it!
• female skippers on the jungle cruise!
• lizards
• space & splash mountains
• in the smoking area to the left of the castle, some little girl showed her disdain of our smoke by waving her hand in front of her face, so helen and i did the same thing back, only it looked like we were returning a retarded wave from the little girl, and little girl’s mother started cracking up.
the bad:
• no matterhorn at disney world!
• no booze at disney world!
• sizzler. i kinda remember why we called it chiseler as kids. no liquor. you have to order before you even sit down. too many fat children.
• they fucked up the enchanted tiki room.
• small english children constantly reminding me how rubbish liverpool is. (“even everton’s doing better!”)
• skippers don’t shoot at hippos on the jungle cruise any more.
and the ugly:
• fat people. i don't mean overweight; i mean morbidly obese. our journey started with one oozing out of his seat on the plane all over me. really disgusting. airlines need to have a fat people ghetto in the back of the plane with wide-load seating. the current situation is unfair to passengers who can fit in the fucking seat they paid for. fat people need more space? pay for it. and lord help me! disney world was overrun with these flabby things, all filling their cake holes with ultra-calorie junk food while trying to navigate their laboring little scooters through the crowd... damn! at what point do these people make the decision that instead of losing some weight, they’d rather just haul their massive asses around in a rascal? 300 pounds on the scale? 400 pounds? when they can’t hold their own bulk up long enough to wait in the line for funnel cake? it’s grotesque! now they want some kind of legal protection against discrimination! wtf? fat bastards need more discrimination! and for fuck’s sake, it’s not a disease.
• the line for funnel cake was too long.